RePaul's Drag Race

This show is so dramatic:


And RuPaul is the best tucker I've ever seen.

Comprise vs Compose

In short: whole comprises parts; parts compose whole.


In case that didn't make sense to you,
below there are some examples.

The United States comprises fifty states.
Twenty-four hours compose a day.

See, it's easy.

Love,
Nathan

The Respectful Prostitute

The Negro: It means all I can do is run around until they get me. When white folk who have never met before, start to talk to each other, friendly like, it means some nigger's goin' to die.
[A pause.] Say I haven't done anything, ma'am. Tell the judge; tell the newspaper people. Maybe they'll print it. Tell them, ma'am, tell them, tell them!

I was rereading The Respectful Prostitute and this portion stopped me. I've read it about a hundred times since. It really says a lot in so few sentences. Period pieces usually give me culture shock, but I think more than by the contrast, I'm surprised by the comparison. Replacing "some nigger's goin' to die" with "something bad is happening" the statement would hold true today. Why are we so individualistic and independent? Is it a bad thing? I'm all for individualism, but has it started to inhibit our expression with strangers? Do we need negative excuses to talk to strangers? When we're given someone to hate as a community, does it not bond us more than when the community presents a uniter—a person we can all like? For example, on September 11th we were given a common enemy. It brought us together in a way that rivals, opposes and demolishes the campaign of Obama—a uniter—in competition. Why is it that we cannot bond over love, but can easily do so over hate?

Just something to think about.

Why I Write

Writing is a cathartic experience for me. I'm not very good at it, but I don't do it for other people. You know how people say they've found their callings? I feel that way now. I don't feel I'm destined to be a writer, but I do feel destined to write. For myself, and forever. I used to go a very long time without writing, but now I've taken it up again, and I'm doing it so much it's twelve-step-program-worthy. I can't go a day without adding some pages to my stories or my scripts or poems.

I used to keep a journal, which I wrote in habitually for about a year. Then my entries changed from fact to fiction. But it wasn't just any fiction, it was my own personal fiction. My personal fiction was based on me, my life, real events and some other real people. That was my transition: my journal changed from a diary to a manuscript.

Lately, I've been writing three stories and one script. I like all of them, but there's so much of me in them, I'm not sure if I'd be able to share them. I'll be like Ray Johnson; none of my stories, as his paintings, will be available or worth anything until I'm dead. Hah. That's true for many artists, though.

It's an interesting feeling, thinking things you make will last longer than you. The foresight is personal even though I know I won't be alive in that portion of the future, between my death and the extinction of my creations.

If you were older...

So, I was talking to an ex-boyfriend, Jacob, who told me if I were older we could still be together. He didn't have a problem with it when I was thirteen and he was sixteen, but seventeen to twenty is a big deal? I thought the difference between ages became less significant as the people got older? Actually, I know that's the case. Regardless, he must have forgotten I dumped him for being immature. And I swore I wouldn't get back with him. He was kind of a jerk around the end.

Many other people have told me how mature I am for my age. Such as a certain someone, about whom I've written many poems and prose, and swooned pathetically. Oh man, when I fall, I fall like a ton of transplant hearts (en route to the hospital, which is tragic, because the patients really need the transplants).

Love,
Nathan

P.S. Artists are Boring is stuck in my head.

Gay Books

I have a real appreciation for gay literature.
So, here is a link to a list of a few of my favorites:
Right here!

W.

W. is a pretty great movie. It almost made me feel bad for Bush. I knew he had Daddy issues, but I didn't realize how bad they were. I don't have any illusions of the movie being completely factual, but I believe it was fairly accurate.

The character Colin Powell was portrayed impressively. Dick Cheney was great, in an I-love-to-loathe-him way. And the movie overall had an interesting tone.

Self-Exploration

I've been dabbling in a bunch of new-age thinking and religious studies lately. I have looked at some of the precepts, not the supernatural, of the Bahá'í Faith, Christianity, Confucianism, Buddhism, Hinduism, Islam, and Judaism. I've been cherry picking the portions I like of each, and combining them into my own worldview.

This is a big change for me. I'm still an atheist, but I now regard religion differently. To be honest, I used to think the people who believed in gods, whether it be the YHWH or some of a polytheist religion, were at least a little crazy. I wouldn't say I felt higher than them, but I definitely didn't understand how so many people, many of them smart, could believe in such unbelievable myths. And even though I still don't agree with them, on a purely religious basis, I understand now why some of them believe. I didn't really get it when I was a "believer," because I was never very devout, especially with regards to the supernatural aspects. Now I see that to be a Christian doesn't necessarily imply they believe in God (Some of you are probably thinking, what?!). Well, it's true.

Right now, I would have no problem calling myself a Christian, because I do believe in the teachings of Jesus. I don't know if he existed (or exists). I don't know if God exists. But I know there is a book that presents a code of morals which I do accept as being a good deontological base. I do not believe the infanticidal, filicidal, genocidal, ethnic-cleansing, megalomaniacal, egomaniacal, xenophobic, homophobic, racist, misogynistic, sadistic, controlling, jealous, petty, unforgiving, vindictive God of the Bible is good moral role model. But the teachings of Jesus are better, albeit contradictory to God's actions, and serve as a good basis for morals.

I'm making a few commitments because of my new views: I will meditate daily. I will give as often as I can. I will not regret. I will not hate. I will not forgive, because I will not blame. I will not objectify people. I will be aware of my judgments and attempt to minimize them. I will appreciate nature daily. I will not make exceptions for my vegan livestyle. I will reflect each day. I will learn as much as I can. I will value knowledge. I will practice moderation. I will thank food for providing nourishment. I will honor my body. I will be aware of harbored feelings, and attempt to cleanse myself of them. I will practice detachment from desire. I will not do anything I do not want to do. And most importantly, I will live now, not in the past and not in the future.